


My life is in your hands

by CrazyBeauty



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Balcony Scene, Best Friends, F/F, Forgiveness, Love/Hate, Suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 16:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21018785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyBeauty/pseuds/CrazyBeauty
Summary: Kara timidly knocked on the glass of the balcony door, and Lena hesitantly pulled herself together, hid her emotions in pre-prepared boxes and went to slide the door open.“So is this going to become a habit Supergirl?”She smiled slightly and gestured to the balcony. To Lena's surprise, Kara did not share in the smile. It was a very different reaction to yesterday's meeting, on this same balcony, when Kara gifted her the watch. She seemed changed.





	My life is in your hands

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Доверить жизнь](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/526820) by CrazyBeauty. 

> A huge thank you to otterwordly from Tumbler for being my beta and translator. She is the reason my work is here, and she's the only one who offered help.

The quiet rumble of the city outside the window was disturbed by the noise of flight and the gentle pad of footsteps landing on the balcony. Lena turned at the sound and whispered an order at Hope to turn off. Kara timidly knocked on the glass of the balcony door, and Lena hesitantly pulled herself together, hid her emotions in pre-prepared boxes and went to slide the door open.

“So is this going to become a habit Supergirl?”

She smiled slightly and gestured to the balcony. To Lena's surprise, Kara did not share in the smile. It was a very different reaction to yesterday's meeting, on this same balcony, when Kara gifted her the watch. She seemed changed. Smaller. Pale. She was crying, her eyed red rimmed and pointedly avoiding Lena’s face. Without her glasses to fiddle with her hands fell to the belt around her waist, fingering the fabric nervously.

“May I come in?”

Lena gave a slight nod at the door, not knowing how to react. Should she ask what is wrong? Should she try and comfort her? Kara followed her inside, her hands now hidden behind her back.

“Kara? Has something happened?” The blonde looked up hopelessly, trying to stop any tears from falling and shook her head. Her shoulders came up in a half-hearted shrug, not knowing where to start.

“Scotch?”

At that what little fight Kara had managed to hold onto, left her. She traipsed towards the sofa and sat down heavily. She placed a little wooden box on the coffee table as her eyes followed Lena over to the cabinet where she kept all her expensive liquor. She filled two glasses a third of the way with a deep amber liquid, handed one to Kara and took a seat across from her, waiting for her to start talking. This was what Lena had wanted, sad Supergirl, tormented by guilt. Miserable just like she has been. After finding out that their three years of friendship had all been a lie that is all she wanted. She wanted to hurt her, to see her cry, to make her unhappy, just like Lena had been since Lex told her the truth. But now, seeing it, she hated herself. No matter how much Kara hurt her, she still cared, she tried so hard not to but she did. She was worried about her, and feeling like that was ridiculous after everything.

“Kara?”

Kara swallowed the scotch down in one and then gently placed the empty glass on the coffee table between them, right next to wooden chest. She took in a deep breath and then looked Lena straight in the face.

“Tonight, as I was doing my normal patrol, I heard your voice. It sounded like you were screaming, and I was worried that something had happened to you.”

She got up and walked over to the bar, grinning bitterly. The bottle of scotch was sat there, on the cabinet. Kara grabbed it and took a long swig, it didn’t affect her, human alcohol never does but it was bitter and distracted her just enough to hold the tears at bay. This behaviour was out of character and it was making Lena feel a little on edge, she just sat and listened warily, a white knuckled grip on her own glass, not daring to move. Kara continued, gesturing around with the bottle.

“You were talking to someone, someone not human. It sounded digital, robotic. And you… You said that you hated me, and that you want revenge.” Tears were now flowing freely down her face, she sniffed. “Do you want…” the words were small and broken. She viciously wiped at her face with a fist. “You want to use our friendship? You act like you have forgiven me, to use me? You say that…” another sniff “That I broke your heart. You want to tell everyone who I am, who Supergirl is and you were going to do it at the ceremony?”

Lena froze, her face now just as pale and as shocked as the woman in front of her. How could she forget about her former “best friend's” superpowers, namely super hearing? How could she have been so stupid? Why did she not hold back her feelings? Why voice it out loud in the middle of her apartment, knowing Kara checked in frequently? Lies and secrecy once again came back to bite her on the arse in some kind of cruel joke. Kara was now pacing irritably, her feet scuffing circles into the living room carpet.

“I was an idiot! A complete idiot! I should have known that I hurt you, possibly more than anyone else ever has.” She was forcing the words out now between broken sobs and heaving breaths “And the worst part, is that you kept quiet, you were suffering in silence all this time… and I was so scared, I was a coward and I didn’t have the strength to tell you… So I hurt you, kept hurting you just like everyone else…”

Kara swiped at the vase on the table, sending it crashing to the floor. She then picked up her empty glass and threw it at the balcony door with such force that it shot straight through and soared towards the atmosphere like a bullet. Lena had never seen Kara act like this before, it was terrifying. She sat frozen, pressed into the back of the sofa, all of her words stuck in her throat. Tears were now tracking down her cheeks as she tried to regulate her breathing, tried not to draw attention to herself. She didn’t know that Kara was suffering each day she chose not to share her secret. That she had to be quiet and swallow her tongue every time they met up.

Kara rounded on Lena, slowly walking towards her.

“I didn’t know that I had already lost you, I didn’t know that Lex told you. I should have told you.”

Her fist slammed into her chest to accentuate her point, the noise of steel hitting steel echoing across the room. 

“Could all of this…” she gestures between the two of them “Have been saved with a confession? One little ‘Sorry’? Would it have made everything between us normal again? Would it stop you thinking I judged you by your surname? That I wasn’t just being a friend to keep tabs on a Luthor?”

She raked a hand angrily through her hair and took another couple of steps towards Lena.

“I never doubted you for one damned minute, how wonderful you are, how much you help people… and yet, I still managed to destroy everything”.

Kara laughed bitterly through her tears and cursed her stupidity.

“Can I fix this? Can I change it? Do you want me to beg for your forgiveness?” Kara turned and walked back towards the sofa, pausing briefly to glance at Lena’s horrified face and grabbed the chest. Kara was spiraling, her actions were unpredictable and for the first time since they met, Lena was afraid of her.

“I came up with a solution. I know what I can do, how I can take your pain away. How I can punish myself for my stupidity and selfishness.” 

_ “Miss Luthor, you are in danger. There is a 95.6% chance that you will be hurt. Do you want me to alert the police? Or should I activate the high intensity ultrasound?”_

The AI chimed from the desk, the soft glow pulsing as it awaited an answer.

“Shut up, Hope! Power down”.

It was uttered through gritted teeth. Kara’s words were playing over and over in her head. Lena no longer knew how she felt. Did she still hate Kara? Was she still hurt or was she just scared? Maybe a little of both. She has never been this erratic, Lena was usually very good at reading the blonde, but she had no idea what she was going to do and that was terrifying. Was she going to kill her? Beg forgiveness? Hurt her some more?

Hope’s light dimmed as she followed Lena’s order and powered down. 

Kara stared blankly in the direction of the glowing light, then, as if recovering her thoughts, she continued.

“Well they say actions speak louder than words. I am sorry Lena, please forgive me. I hope this helps”.

She walked over to Lena and dropped to one knee in front of her before extending the chest. She took a second to look at Lena, take her all in, her eyes roving over her face, memorising every mole and curve. Then with a gentle hand she took hold of Lena’s and placed it on the lid of the chest. One deep breathe turned into two deep breaths, and then, she opened it. 

Lena's face was lit by a bright green light and Kara cried out, as if pierced with a knife. Green streaks came alive on Kara's face and skin, pulsing. Lena gasped, her hands trembling.

Kara felt her other knee buckle beneath her and she screamed again, the pain unbearable. The words Supergirl had thrown at her, back at the DEO, flashed through her mind.

_‘_ _Do you know what it’s like to walk into a room and your skin feel like it’s going to be seared off your bones? Or like nails are running through your blood? That’s what Kryptonite feels like’_

Kara tried to hold back, hold in her screams, but she couldn’t help it. Choked tears streamed down her cheeks. “I’m sorry” she whispered, over and over, between the convulsions.

Lena came to her senses and tried to remove Kara’s hands from hers and close the chest, but even though she was weak and the green light tracked through her skin, she held on. Steadfast in her choice.

“Damn it, Kara! What are you doing? Stop!”

Lena struggled underneath Kara’s palm, trying to move enough to seal the rock inside and stop Kara from hurting herself. Blood now trickled from between Kara’s lips from where she had clamped her teeth down around them to muffle her cries. In between groans she just kept apologising, whispering she was sorry repeatedly. Lena had wanted to hurt her, but not like this. She wanted to make her suffer, to punish her for wheedling her way into her heart, deeper than anyone had ever been before, and then tearing it out of her chest. But now, seeing Kara like this, all it did was hurt. She was scared, for Kara and herself. Kara could die and Lena wouldn’t be able to save her.

“Please Kara no! I forgive you, I forgive you! Let it go, I don’t want this. Kara! KARA PLEASE! I am scared. Please!”

The words were flying out of her mouth, gathering speed as she was still trying to shut the lid.

“Kill me if you want, Lena. My life is in your hands.” She finally lost the last of her strength and lost consciousness, her armed slipped down beside her, finally releasing the chest.

Lena immediately slammed it shut and threw it to the side, grabbing Kara on the arm sliding onto the floor. Her pulse was weak, her face was paler than pale and her breathing was barely there.

“Hope, quickly prepare the lab!”

_“Yes, Miss Luthor”_ the digital voice answered _“Perhaps you should contact the DEO for help.”_

“No, we don’t have time.”

There was too much radiation in her system, she needed to act fast. Lena struggled to lift the woman on the floor so she slung Kara’s arm over her shoulder and half carried, half dragged her limp body towards the laboratory.

***

Kara awoke to bright sunlight. She tried to sit up but her head felt heavy, leaden, and refused to shift off the pillow. Her body ached terribly, her bones felt twisted, her hands as if weighted down by chains that weighed, it seemed, like a thousand buildings.

Turning her head, she looked around, trying to figure out where she was. Everything looked floaty, but she was definitely in Lena’s home lab. Kara lay on a bunk in the centre of the room. Powerful solar lamps burned from above, and a drip was sticking out of hand, filled with a purple substance.

“Don't move” a voice said softly.

Kara turned her head in the direction of the sound. A few meters from the bunk, stood Lena. She looked tired, her skin was sallow and she looked like she was still in shock.

“What were you thinking? Have you lost your mind? Where did you get Kryptonite?” Lena flopped down into the chair beside the bunk, completely exhausted.

Kara turned away ashamed “In the secret storeroom at the DEO”

“And you took it after you overheard me?”

Kara gave a small nod “Alex will end me, that's for sure”

“Why did you do it? Why did you have to prove something to me?” Lena was getting agitated “Why put on this huge show?”

“It wasn’t a show” Supergirl’s head whipped around then, eyes locked onto Lena’s “I know how much I messed up” she continued in almost a whisper “You think I thought you were just another Luthor, that I didn’t trust you, that I was afraid you would hurt me with the one thing that can. Kryptonite.” She paused and swallowed loudly “I had to prove to you that it wasn’t true, that I did trust you. I put my life in your hands and you saved me. Just like you have before, the way you always save me… and the city.” A tear trickled from the corner of Kara’s eye and slowly wound its way down her face “And once again you showed me how amazing you are. You are good, a hero.” Another tear rolled down her face as she sniffed “It also proved I was a hypocrite and a coward, even when you were holding the one thing in this world that could kill me, even after everything I have done, you didn’t” 

Kara looked at Lena and everything inside flipped upside down, for a long time they simply stared into each other's eyes. Lena was the first to break, with a shy palm, she wiped her tears and shook her head in disbelief.

“I hope you feel a little better. Perhaps someday you can forgive me, and we can start again” Kara’s voice broke and she lifted her face to the ceiling.

“I never wanted you to die, you know.”

Kara took Lena's hand and stroked her palm tenderly. It twitched but she didn’t pull away.

After a few seconds, Lena got up and strode to the exit. She paused at the door but didn’t turn or look behind her, she just cleared her throat and stated “You need to recover, stay under the lamp for a couple more hours.”

Then the sound of her Louboutins clicking faded down the corridor as she strode away with purpose.

Kara rolled onto her back, her body still weary, and closed her eyes.

It was all over.


End file.
